Message in a Bottle 21
I’ve been unsubscribing from a lot of email lists lately. You know the really useless ones you don’t even know how you got on sometimes, and they just keep adding up until you’re questioning how you can have ten more new emails in less than an hour.
Something I love about them, some are such silly goobers, and as you’re leaving they ask, “oh no? Did you make a mistake?”
Yes, after I’ve scrolled the mile to the bottom, used my valuable Pym Particles to shrink into the subatomic realm, and located the nanoscopic unsubscribe button, yes, after all that, I’m sure I’ve made some mistake.
It’s nice to unsubscribe sometimes. From more than just emails …
Some things we should have unsubscribed to a long time ago, but we didn’t even notice until we have all this junk clogging up our inbox.
Take fear for example. As much as each and every one of us hates to be afraid, hates the feeling of fear, I think if we’re really digging, really being honest, we hold a little tightly to our fear. It’s like a crazy, toxic, co-dependent relationship. Or a blanket we use against the cold, all the while it’s smothering us in our sleep. We think we need our fear. And to some degree, yes, we do. But not nearly as much as we think.
There are some people who CAN’T feel fear. And they seem to do okay. Look it up. It’s fascinating. Especially the anonymous patient known as SM-046
Or Alex Honnold, the incredible free climber who hardly feels fear. His fearlessness seems more trained. And that training gives me hope. Not sure if I ever want to be a free climber, but I could do with a lot less fear.
See, the amygdala is a tricky thing. Fear keeps us from making really stupid and dangerous decisions, but we can also reason without our PFC (prefrontal cortex) and we should far more often than we do these days. There’s a term for when we live our lives governed by fear and stress, it’s called amygdala hijacking. Think of it like a workaholic who can’t take a break because they think if they don’t do the work nobody will and the whole workplace will go up in flames.
It’s trying to keep us alive, and sometimes we really need it. But if we sit and process, most of the things we’re letting that pesky amygdala take over about, are nowhere near life or death decisions.
Think about that.
That boundary you’re worried about setting because the person might be mad at you? Not an amygdala problem. Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. Your life will most likely be better for it, even if said person doesn’t like your self respect.
That risk or leap of faith you’re stressing over? Probably not an amygdala problem.
But what if it’s a mistake?
What if I fail?
SO WHAT?
Survival of the fittest has no room for error. That’s true. But that’s not living. Life isn’t avoiding mistakes and failures; it’s moving past them and learning from them. They’re gonna come. Maybe if we accepted that we wouldn’t have to sweat about it so much. I like the little idioms of breaking eggs and legs. Skinned knees, bruised egos, broken dreams— they're all signs that you’re alive and that you’re living.
I turned 25 just a few days ago. Apparently that’s the year when your PFC is fully developed. In true Ellie fashion, this freaked me out when I learned it, like if I didn’t fix what was wrong with my fear and decision making skills before my 25th it would all solidify and I’d be stuck this way forever.
Don’t ask why I thought this way. But I did talk to a friend who’s only a month older than me and she expressed similar feelings. Oddly, that helped.
I don’t believe it’s over for me as much as I don’t believe it’s over for you. I can continue working on shifting my decisions to the back of my brain to the front. I can shut down fear and choose faith and courage. Why? One simple reason.
“The Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
—2 Timothy 1:7
I’m not saying it’s all gonna magically change tomorrow or even this year. But maybe try giving that amygdala some vacation time. I bet it could use it. Try striking up some good business practices with your PFC. It’s much more trustworthy, I promise.
Survival is a part of life, not the meaning of it. We’re not animals, and we can choose to take control and unsubscribe to fear.
…and unwanted emails.
Happy New Year, my friends.
—Ellie
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